50 Things Romania Should Never Do
by EpicJACI
Summary: Did Vlad just make a list of things he shouldn't do? Oh god...
1. 50 Things Romania Should Never Do

**A/N: Yeah. Well, I guess this is the result I get when I'm bored. Reviews make BS really happy! :3 AND ROMANIA NEEDS SOME MORE LOVE ANYWAYS! Pairings contained in this chapter: RomBul, SerBul**

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1. I will not try to kiss Bulgaria just to get his yogurt.

2. He will be traumatised for a long time.

3. For so long that it's not even funny anymore.

4. I will not terrorize Serbia with my country's "Vlad The Impaler" myths.

5. Even though he's an ass and he deserves it.

6. I will not call Hungary "Bella" the next time I see her at a world meeting.

7. Austria will slap me in the face.

8. Whenever someone opens a window, I will not hiss and pretend to burn.

9. Even if I really am burning.

10. I will not sigh sadly at Twilight when Bella doesn't get hit by the truck.

11. I shall imagine it and laugh inwardly.

12. I will not pop out of a coffin on Halloween and scare the living hell out of Liechtenstein.

13. Switzerland would shoot me straight through the head.

14. It's a shame bullets don't work on vampires.

15. I will not put red food colouring in my water at world meetings.

16. America would go paranoid.

17. So would Latvia.

18. And China.

19. I will not be attracted to Bulgaria.

20. He's just my gay friend.

21. I hope.

22. I will not ask Montenegro why his eyes are always closed.

23. Montenegro will go into rage mode and send me to court for being racist.

24. I will not tell Italy that I replaced his pasta sauce with blood.

25. Germany would kill me.

26. And then bring me back from the dead just to kill me again.

27. I will not go hunting with Prussia and eat a raw deer in front of him.

28. But the look on his face would be priceless!

29. After saying goodbye to one of my friends, I will not dramatically jump out their window.

30. I would break my skull and die because I'm not Edward Cullen.

31. Killing Sealand and then sucking all the blood out of him when he steals my hat is unacceptable.

32. Sweden would shove that damn sword of his up my ass for revenge.

33. Ow.

34. I will not sing "Today Is Russia, Tomorrow Is Russia" by Bulgaria in front of Russia.

35. The results would be much to my disliking.

36. Calling Bulgaria "BuBu" or "Garia" is not permitted.

37. Serbia will get jealous of my creativeness.

38. I would end up with a stake in my heart.

39. I will not steal Norway's spellbook of Norwegian curses and cast them on Russia.

40. Or Hungary.

41. Or Austria.

42. Or Serbia.

43. Or Montenegro.

44. I will not go into America's room at night, sit on top of him and stare into his soul while I wait for him to wake up.

45. He would wake up, freak out and kick me in the balls.

46. Then get his baseball bat.

47. And swing a home run with me as the ball.

48. Whenever tourists come to visit my old castle, I will not scare them to death by dangling from the ceiling and hissing.

49. And finally, I, Vladimir Popescu, will never ever wear a cape to a world meeting and speak in a Transylvanian dialect like Dracula, bleh bleh bleh.

50. That would be much to my mother's disgrace, bleh bleh bleh.


	2. 50 More Things Romania Should Never Do

**A/N: For some reason I came up with more stuff. And yes, randomderpname, there is some one-sided RomBul in here. Sorry I just like that pairing. xD Pairings contained in this chapter: SerPru, RomBul**

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1. I will not play "The Stereotypes Song" full-blast at a world meeting.

2. Even though I would get to remind Japan that his country made tentacle porn.

3. I will not attend one of Greece's historical plays and go soaring above the audience attached to a bungee cord.

4. The cord would break and everyone would think I'm a wannabe Dracula.

5. I will not put a vampire bat in a corner of Montenegro's house.

6. That guy is so damn lazy that he wouldn't notice anyway.

7. I will not bitch about how all the other Balkans have famous world-known musical instruments except for me.

8. My boss would end up inventing a new instrument that is such an embarrassment to Romania that I would have to kill myself.

9. I will not let America join the Magic Club.

10. England will have a hissy-fit.

11. I will not go out and tell the world that Austria is a penis.

12. Austria would yell at me that he's a _pianist_ and beat me with his riding crop.

13. Ow. My ass.

14. I will not tell Prussia that Serbia beat his "5 meters".

15. Prussia would never believe me and challenge Serbia to a 'fucking' contest.

16. On April Fools, I will not cover myself in ketchup and play dead.

17. No one would buy that except for America.

18. I will not wear a depressing blue to any wedding I am invited to.

19. Unless it's Hungary's.

20. While Serbia and Croatia are speaking Serb-Croatian with each other, I will not say, "SO, WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT BITCHES?" in Romanian.

21. Though I'd like to see the looks on their faces when I confuse them.

22. I am not to destroy my laptop in rage when I read fanfictions with me portrayed as the evil bitch.

23. I want to be the hero.

24. No one ever thinks of Vlad as the hero...

25. I will not get angry at people when they laugh at my hat.

26. Haters gonna hate.

27. Potatoes gonna potate.

28. Countries gonna mate.

29. I will not forget to give Moldova a Christmas present.

30. He has anger issues.

31. Last time I forgot, he egged my house and painted my car pink.

32. If the undead apocalypse ever happens, I will not play dubstep.

33. Even though it would totally make the situation cooler.

34. I will not go to a bar and say "romantic" things to girls in Romanian.

35. Because I'm really saying, "Hi, I'm a waffle. Fuck it, chickens are awesome." in a sexy tone.

36. I will not step on Bulgaria's stick and break it.

37. He will have a major breakdown and call a funeral for it.

38. I will not go into Sweden's IKEA and take down all the garlic, pitchforks and torches.

39. Before Sweden kills me for shoplifting, I will say that it was for my own good.

40. If I ever go to one of America's parties, I will not secretly replace the punch with dishwater.

41. I will replace it with blood.

42. Blood from the guy I murdered a couple of days ago.

43. I hope it hasn't gone stale.

44. I will not sneak under Bulgaria's covers and sleep with him for the rest of the night because I heard a weird noise in my house.

45. He'll freak out and think I'm some kind of pervert.

46. I will not call Albania an "Albanian barbarian".

47. That's racist.

48. Albania will go emo because of what I said.

49. Finally, I, Vladimir Popescu, will never ever start a blood donation.

50. I would end up taking seven times more than the amount I actually need.


	3. 50 Other Things Romania Should Never Do

**A/N: HOLY FLYING FRENCHMEN! ANOTHER CHAPTER? Haha! I keep thinking of new stuff! There's some Yugotalia in here! Pairings contained in this chapter: RomBul, some RomSer if you can see it.**

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1. I will not ask Bulgaria if I can ride on his shoulders.

2. The first reason, I am a grown man.

3. The second reason, I am heavier than him.

4. The third reason, it's freaking embarrassing...

5. I will not hack Macedonia's blog about clothes and fashion.

6. When she finds out that it's gone, her dreams of being a future designer will be crushed.

7. ...Between you and me, she sucks at designing clothes...

8. I am not to take requests from Bosnia and then ask him if he would "want fries with that".

9. He will throw his cigarette at me for thinking I'm mocking him.

10. WHILE IT'S ON FIRE.

11. I will not harshly criticise Canadia for creating Justin Bieber.

12. I shall blame America for making him famous.

13. I will not call Montenegro a jackadonkey.

14. He'll ask what the hell it means, and I'll have to say, "jackass" (get it?).

15. Then a few minutes later we'd be having an insult war.

16. I will not put a "No Smoking" sign in Bosnia's room.

17. Because I know Bosnia gets pissed when he isn't allowed to smoke in his own country.

18. I will not push Kosovo off the 500-feet-above-sea-level cliff he usually likes to stand on for fun.

19. That would result in the boy dying a horrible death, me getting my eyes gouged out by Serbia, and also getting a guitar to the face by Montenegro.

20. I will not prank Slovenia by switching his car license plate with mine and watching what he does.

21. His reaction would be boring anyway.

22. He'd just sigh and switch it back.

23. On Thanksgiving, I will not ask Turkey if he'd like to be cooked.

24. He would be scarred for life and then change his name back to The Ottoman Empire.

25. If I ever see Canada, I will not call him "Canaderp".

26. He would feel even worse and then commit suicide.

27. I will not "accidently" give water to Russia instead of his vodka.

28. But seriously, who can tell the difference between the two without actually drinking it?

29. I will not pants (the act of sliding someone's trousers down in public) Serbia.

30. Because I absolutely suck at pantsing.

31. Once I accidently did in a way so that I made Bulgaria half nude.

32. And I don't think it would go any better with Serbia...

33. I will not go running around during a world meeting in my underwear wearing a cape and shouting "YOLOOOOOOOOOO".

34. I'd have to be high on orange juice if that ever happens.

35. I am not to bite/steal/butcher any one of New Zealand's sheep.

36. The guy has a Shepherd's staff that I would NOT want to be hit with.

37. I will not yell at other people angrily when they ask if I have anger issues.

38. I think it's pretty obvious.

39. I will not challenge Bosnia to a pokerface contest.

40. That guy has an EXCELLENT pokerface and I would probably die of frustration.

41. Shooting male hookers is not acceptable.

42. Unless the male hooker happens to be the following:

43. Hungary.

44. Serbia.

45. A yaoi fanboy.

46. Harry Styles.

47. Chris Brown.

48. Idaho.

49. And finally, I, Vladimir Popescu, will never ever tell Bulgaria that I went through his underwear drawer a few times.

50. Okay, maybe a lot of times...


End file.
